30 Day Challenge
Reflection #1
Here I am, invigorated and as surprised as all hell. But here I am nevertheless – finally getting around to rebuilding myself? I’m not sure. Did I stop running? Maybe? Will I fight back?
Yes.
I will do all those things I pushed away,
I will USE “I” in my bloody blog, ALOT.
I will write for me, and only ME.
I WILL BECOME THE WOMAN I NEED TO BE
but i realize I have to quantify things in my life to make sense of them, I have to discuss them – not just let them float around in my mind. have I gotten a billion times more resilient than I ever have been in the entirety of my life? yes… yes I have. accomplished much in growth – PERHAPS, unsure. But no one is going to save me, everyone is way too busy drowning in their own sob story – and I can’t keep waiting for my Prince charming.
I have one, and I’m not getting it all together for him. I want a husband, real bad – BUT I won’t settle for anything anymore, just been too damn long, and really – I’m not ready to sell myself the way I am. Can’t. Hell I wouldn’t marry me for me. I gotta fix myself, time to recognize that I’ve been doing it alone all along, how DARE I define my possible future on the possibility of settling down with a man. WHY AM I HOLDING MYSELF BACK.
I gotta make my decisions, I gotta stop waiting for the miracle. He’s already here, It is already there. FACT: I am worth the time it takes to piece together. Faith in Islaam is not supposed to be the crutch i keep clinging to,
it enhances me, makes me the beta version of whatever I was yesterday, or the moment before I learned something
I am going to teach myself to let go
of you, and you, and you, them, her, he, she, him.
who i am:
broken, inconsistent, weak, sad, easily distracted, resistant, uninvolved, overweight
this is who I will be, by the WILL of Allaah subhanu wa ta’alaa
muslima, mother, daughter, student of arabic/quraan ( YOUR MINE ),
healthy, slim, positive, LOVING, forgiving, light
I AM NOT ASHAMED TO NO LONGER MEET THE STANDARDS I always felt were placed on me by third party influences…
no, I am who I am, and I am proud of who I am,
i am beautiful, and I can be beautiful, I WILL BE BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL, SEXY, BRAVE, SURVIVOR
